How to be your authentic self at work
The office can sometimes feel like the scariest place to be your true, authentic self. For me personally, my career is where I most felt like I was wearing a mask. Before I quit my job to become a full time Success Coach (more on that here), I remember distinctly feeling as though I’d wake up feeling amazing, motivated, creative, lively and colorful, and then I’d pull into my parking spot at work and feel as though I had to mentally turn all of that down a few notches before entering the building. Hello! No person, place or situation should ever make you feel like you need to dim your inner light. Your authentic self is the most beautiful gift you can give the world. All of your gorgeous ideas, experiences and background is what gives the workplace more flavor.
It’s a shame though that many of us feel we can’t be true to ourselves at work. To be clear, I’m not talking about swearing and drinking on the job because “that’s just who you are.” I’m also not saying that we should have permission to boldly speak our mind about politics and the world at large because “that’s our true selves.” No, no and no. This misses the mark entirely.
Your true self isn’t attached to an organization, political preference, personality, labels or titles or any other false identities. Your true self is you minus all of those distractions.
How to find yourself
I often get asked how to begin finding yourself. If the real you isn’t any of the things listed above, then how do you know who you are?
That’s a great question.
If you find yourself still clinging to these external titles and opinions of who you think you are. It is likely that you are still who others think you should be, or even who you think you should be. Who you think you should be is vastly different from who you really are.
It’s natural for fear to arise when you think about pushing those things aside and looking beneath the surface at who’s really there. In fact, most people are so fearful and nervous about this idea that they never get around to it at all. The fact that you’re still reading tells me you have a certain amount of growth and maturity -- a spiritual calling and willingness to go deeper.
One of the first things I always suggest comes from the first chapter in my book, Brazenly Beautiful. The exercise is simple and requires no tools or talent, just a willingness to commit. The exercise is sitting in silence for just a few minutes a day. I know this is much harder to do than it should be, but it’s the first practice of diving into your heart space and discovering who you are beneath it all.
Finding yourself is a journey.
It’s important to note that finding yourself is a journey. You won’t release your false identities and find inner peace overnight. It is a life-long journey to choosing authenticity rather than falsity.
The opposite of authentic is fake.
When we cover up who we are at our core with titles, roles, defense mechanisms, etc., we are being fake. We are hiding behind a mask. If we are fake, then all of our interactions are fake. If we are being fake -- the root of the word being is “to be”, which is, “to live.” Do you really want to continue going through life without really living? Living fake is living a lie.
This is why the number one regret of those on their deathbeds is that they didn’t live a life true to themselves.
Let that one sink in.
>>Want to find out what’s holding you back from your most authentic self? Take the quiz to find out.
Why you should let your true self show at work
While the workplace still may be one of the places you feel least comfortable being authentic in, it’s a practice that is worth practicing. Don’t show up tomorrow with your kilt and bagpipe and a scottish accent for the sake of authenticity. Instead try starting small. Voice your opinion about a work issue with a peer. Do so in a polite and cool-minded way. We all know the problem with opinions is that everyone has one and they all stink. Opinions are meant to be shared only if they are truly helpful and uplifting for the good of everyone involved. Share yours if it comes from a place of love and respect.
Authenticity increases innovation at work
What I value way more than opinions at work, is creative ideas at work! My favorite thing to teach is authenticity as a tool for cultivating your heart, staying closely connected to that great big creativity cloud in the sky, and allowing the idea seeds to fall into your heart-garden whenever they want. This is the open-hearted authenticity that will change the world. Being open and receptive to innovative ideas and positive ways to bring more joy, love and hope into our hurting world, is how you can truly make a difference. When you clear up all the old gunk inside your heart and mind, releasing the need to be in control, or to defend yourself or to feel like a victim, then and only then can you become a clear channel for divine inspiration in the world. It’s no wonder that many of our most inspirational heroes have been on life-long spiritual journeys to become who they are today.
We won’t become great by forcing our way to the top, stuffing down our feelings and hiding the love within us. We become great men and women of inspiration by releasing what weighs us down and allowing God to naturally use us and buoy us up to the top of our personal success ladder.
This is why much of the work I do focuses on inner-success as a means to radiate outward success. Our own energetic blocks so often are what keep us from the higher income and impact level that we crave. 99% of the time the problem is below the surface. Where are you not being authentic to your true self? That’s where our work starts.
Authenticity is deeper than diversity
This is one way to single-handedly embrace diversity. By being your most authentic self. Note: your most authentic self is not how you identify yourself within the confines of career, race, gender, political stance or personality. Your most authentic self is you minus all of the facades you have placed on yourself.
Those things are not your identity, they do not define you, they do not define your self-worth. You are not what you do. You are not what you stand for. You are not your personality. You are not a role you play. You simply are.
When you do the deep work to uncover your true-self -- releasing shame, letting go of old stories and beliefs that are keeping you in victimhood and fear, forgiving your past, forgiving yourself, accepting your upbringing and making peace with the person inside yourself -- then and only then can the real you be a true and positive force for change in the world, especially within the work environment.
The problem with so many megaphones on social media is that we are all pushing an agenda or someone else’s agenda, that stems from our own pain and hurts. Consequently, this only stands to spread more shame and pain, which is counteractive to the intention you seek. Rather than screaming, preaching, standing or revolting, why not find peace within by sitting silently with yourself and looking at the ways you are keeping yourself captive. Afterall, we have no power over other humans. Each of us has and deserves free-will in our own right. The only person you can control is yourself. You cannot control the circumstances around you, especially not at work, but you can control how you react to the situations you face daily. You can control who you are becoming and how you choose to show up as a truly vibrant and aligned version of your most-authentic self.
Some people think authenticity is being original. Original in the way of dying their hair purple or being “the girl with the red boots.” The problem with this thinking is that it puts the focus on external appearances, titles and roles which is not at all where your true identity lives.
Your true identity, or authentic self, is underneath all of these things, in your heart-of-hearts. Your subconscious mind, or soul, is the house of your true being. A being of love and light with no agenda, attachment or identity to anything but life itself. It’s what Eckart Tolle describes in his book A New Earth. The great “I am” as described in the Bible. This is the heartbeat of living. The being of being. The you that is alive and living just because.
Authenticity brings more fulfillment in your life
When we are one with the divine being inside of ourselves, we are able to find our true north. We find the life that we were truly born for. When we live that life, we find a sense of meaning, of purpose, passion, joy and fulfillment. This is what it means to live a fulfilling life. This is how we win at life and so on our deathbeds we aren’t wishing we would’ve been more true to ourselves. Instead, we can leave this earth with a sense of knowing that we became all we were meant to become and that feels good.
In everyday living, when you wake and sleep and move and breathe from a place of total satisfaction and fulfillment from being in alignment with your highest good, everything else will be a breeze. When you feel good, you are a positive force in every life you interact with. You are a positive light at work, serving to brighten others' days and to uplift your company, not by trying, but just by being who you are.
When you are authentic to yourself, you are a better employee, a better co-worker, but also you become a better parent, a better partner, a better person all around. You’re no longer subconsciously harboring bitterness and anger and shame and pain and hurt from your childhood, so you no longer unknowingly lash out at others. You are love and you are light, and that becomes the very thing you spread to others.
Your true self is worth finding. Not just for your sake, but for the sake of your workplace too.
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