Around a month ago I posed this question to my Facebook friends.  It was truly interesting to see what reactions, thoughts and opinions people had around this. 

The idea for the question came from a belief shared in a book my boyfriend was reading: “Endure” by Cameron Hanes.  Cameron Hanes is a high profile figure in the hunting community.  His philosophy is that in order to be the best you have to be obsessed. Considering this information I wasn’t sure if I agreed or not – so I took it to the web for an interesting discussion with viewpoints all over the spectrum.

Answers included the following:

• four people who absolutely DISAGREED

• Five people who strongly AGREED

• One answered “usually true”

• And a few people who thoughtfully considered…

I particularly appreciated the last comment because it fully addressed the very thing that I was worrying about myself when contemplating this statement.  

The literal definition of “obsessed” is: “preoccupy or fill the mind of (someone) continually, intrusively, and to a troubling extent.”

Yikes! To a troubling extent?  Yeah no part of being obsessed sounds healthy when you read the literal definition. I do believe there are lots of coaches and mentors out there who would tell their students, clients and followers that they very much need to “preoccupy their mind continually and intrusively” in order to succeed. I however, would have to disagree with this sentiment. It actually feels pretty psychotic and like a recipe for burnout – which as someone who’s been through it – I actively try to avoid. 

The problem with being overly focused on something, even if it is a good thing; heck, even if it is your PURPOSE – is that it doesn't leave room for balance.

When things get out of balance we burn out into exhaustion, depletion, even anxiety and depression can sprout up from this.  The idea behind balance is to allow yourself to be present and active in every area of your life, not just work.  This means reserving energy for time with your loved ones, time in your community, time in solitude and time for rest and restoration. We are not robots; contrary to modern western beliefs.  We are beings. We are natural beings just like the trees outside your window who go through a cycle every year.  They grow, expand and then lose their leaves, go dormant and rest before repeating the cycle.  You have the same need for growth and expansion, as well as releasing and dormancy in regular intervals. How can you save time for balance and rest if you are “obsessing” over any one area of your life.  

It is the beautiful interwingin of all areas of our life that brings solution and healing to other areas.  For example, when you take time for yourself to go on a walk of solitude for your health – you may often find solutions to your work here unexpectedly.  When you spend intentional time focusing on your work, you may find a surprising breakthrough for something you’re dealing with in your personal life. We all need different faucets not only for our health but also for our creativity and problem solving abilities. 

On a psychological level, the belief that “obsession” is necessary for success often comes from believing that you must achieve in order to receive love.  This idea is often instilled in us from childhood.  When we are “good” and do as we are told, we are rewarded. Therefore our brains learn that achievement is associated with love and affection.  TAking it a step further, when we are playing sports or performing academically, some parents may unknowingly withhold love or overly criticize their children when they don't score high enough or perform well-enough.  Can you relate?  Did you experience a lack of love and acceptance when you failed at a sport or academically during your childhood or teen years?

The belief that achievement = love is rooted in one of our core wounds as humanity.  The belief that you are not good enough as you are.  Most of us suffer from this wound through one way or another.  When we fail to believe that we are good enough, we act out in an unbalanced way, hoping to find the love, acceptance and “enoughness” that we so desperately crave. 

In his book, “Abundance: The Inner Path to Wealth”, Deepak Chopra shares his feelings on obsession: 

“...creative intelligence exists to expand, explore, know, and discover. This is different from obsession, which depends on repetition, leads to exhaustion, and lacks the feeling of enjoyment. Expanding your possibilities every day brings vibrancy to your life; the direction you take is up to you.”

 —Deepak Chopra, “Abundance: The Inner Path to Wealth.”

Chopra makes the very clear connection that we must expand and grow from the place of inner enoughness, that is from the connection to God inside of us that says we are already enough, already loved, already whole and healed.  From this place we expand in a way that is supported by nature, easy on our energy and in flow with creation.  This is when doors magically open, opportunities are brought to you and things start to unfold with ease.  This is the exact opposite of pushing and forcing your way to achievement, which can definitely lead you to success, but not success that feels fulfilling and nourishing to your inner soul. Pay attention to the difference between the two.

When you are striving and obsessing you are actually acting out of fear, not love.  When you act out of fear, you are reinforcing the belief that you are not good enough as you are.  This can only lead to a ripple effect of “not enoughness.”

Instead, try spending a few minutes with inner knowing - close your eyes and focus on your breath.  Try to connect with the place within you that is pure love, pure enoughness.  From here you will take action that is much more aligned and powerful.

My high school golf coach once said, “There is a big difference between powerful effort and effortless power.” We are definitely aiming for effortless power when we move and breathe out of enoughness first.  Love is a far better motivator than fear. 

My final answer?

False: You don’t have to be obsessed to be the best. 

You don't have to be obsessed to be the best.  A better way to phrase this would be, in order to be the best possible version of yourself, you have to surrender to the voice of God within you, connect with the inner knowing that you are pure love, and sit quietly as you listen for your next step forward. 

Surrender. Intuition. Flow.