Lessons from Dumplin'
Whatever you believe to be true, is in fact true.
There's a new movie out on Netflix right now that's called Dumplin'. In the Netflix original, Willodean plays a young girl who signs up for a beauty pageant as a means of revolting against the system. Though I always love a good rebellion-themed story, the lessons were deeper in this one.
There's a scene in the movie when the guy Willodean likes kisses her and pulls her close. She enjoys it for a second, only to shake herself out of this bliss and run like hell in the other direction. Why? She felt unworthy of such affections.
original art, Haley Hoover, 2019.
As the story unfolds, we learn that Willodean's closest friends and family see her as someone wonderful. It is her own insecurities that leave her feeling overweight, less than perfect and out of place. It's only through pushing past these feelings that Willodean realizes, she is only these things if she perceives herself to be these things. Her best friend, her love interest and her pageant pals can all affirm her and encourage her until they are blue in the face, but none of it matters until she believes it herself.
She can't be great until she believes in herself regardless of anyone else's opinions.
My High Performance Coach recently had the same talk with me. I waste enormous amounts of energy
trying to please everyone in my life but me. I worry about what those close to me will feel if I do this, or what they will say if I try that. What should be a simple, confident decision can quickly turn into a toy sail boat lost at sea in a mind full of doubts, second-guesses and fear. Maybe you can relate.
This double-mindedness delays and destroys dreams in multiple ways.
Biblically speaking, the author of the book of James says this: “But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.”
When we doubt, we stop ourselves from moving forward on the path we have worked so hard to carve out for ourselves. In stead, we quickly begin spinning in circles, going nowhere fast. All the hard work and focus we've promised just goes right out the window.
In his book, “Think and Grow Rich”, Napoleon Hill says Faith is the second step to riches. He explains that believing in your desires is half the battle of acquiring that which you desire.
“Faith is the head chemist of the mind. When FAITH is blended with the “vibration of thought,” the subconscious mind instantly picks up the vibration, translates it into its spiritual equivalent, and transmits it to Infinite Intelligence, as is the case of prayer.”
Throughout every day, our thoughts are quickly shaping up the reality around us. This reality can just as easily be shaped by fear, as it can be by faith. You choose which sounds more pleasant.
Doubt is a distraction. When we doubt, we put our focus on something other than the goal at hand. By doing this, we often get quickly off track, moving into pointless tasks and assignments that all have to do with avoiding what we fail to put full confidence in. Many times, that very thing is ourselves.
In the book “Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It,” Kamal Ravikant tells the very simple story of how he turned his life around from rock bottom to what he calls a magical transformation. There was one simple decision he made: a vow to love himself.
He says he woke up repeating this phrase over and over again:
I love myself.
I love myself.
I love myself.
When he went to sleep, he said the same thing.
I love myself.
I love myself.
I love myself.
At work, in the shower, in meditation..he consistently repeated this one phrase over and over again until eventually it sunk in to his subconscious and he actually began to believe it.
Suddenly, he looked at his life and asked himself this, “If I really and truly love myself in all that I am, would I be doing this?” If the answer was no, he made a change.
If you think about it, all of our doubts stem from not trusting ourselves. Not trusting ourselves comes from not loving ourselves. If we truly, truly loved ourselves, wouldn't we avoid doubts and fears, bad relationships, negative situations, and the double-mindedness that comes from looking to too many people for too many answers?
The only truth you know is that which is inside yourself. Just like Simba in The Lion King, Willadean in Dumplin or any other hero in basically any other story – the hero has to first love himself enough to believe that he/she is in fact enough to be the hero of the story. Then and only then, do they conquer all and accomplish the goal they set out to accomplish.
So here's what I want to know today.
Where do you fall on the spectrum? What part of the hero's journey are you in?
Are you still doubting yourself and battling some subconscious self-deprecation? Are you in the middle of a battle you don't feel worthy of fighting? Maybe you're frustrated with your friends because they see you as the hero you aren't ready to be.
Wherever you are, pick a number below and reply to this post with your honest comment. This is a massive first step in winning the battle.
1. I think I'm the worst.
2. I'm not good enough.
3. I'm not that great.
4. I wish I was something more
5. I'm okay.
6. I could be better
7. I think I can be the hero.
8. I'm going into battle.
9. I'm showing up for the battle now.
10. I love myself, and I'm here to win.